Rachel Browning’s Legal Blog

Hi Bloggers!  While it’s been a landmark week for international law, given the recent International Criminal Court (ICC) indictment of Sudan’s President Al-Bashir for genocide in Darfur, the revelation by the BBC that China has been violating the arms embargo by exporting guns to the government of Sudan,  and the latest development in the U.S. - Mexico International Court of Justice (ICJ) wrangling; I’m not going to address these cases and the international legal issues involved.  Nor am I going to speak about yet another study revealing that - gasp - illegal immigrants actually do pay taxes and contribute billions to Social Security Administration coffers, such that aging baby boomers have them to thank for their ability to receive future benefits.

Instead, I’m going to talk about my recent discovery of the tedious horror that is “The Wedding Industry.”  Yes, it was only months ago that the Supreme Court of California ruled that it was unconstitutional (according to the CA constitution) to deny same-sex couples in California the same right to marry as heterosexual couples.  So, like many committed gay couples both in and out of California, my partner and I decided that we would join the mass caravan out west and get hitched this October.  Because we wanted to involve our family and friends as much as possible - Kim’s family actually lives in CA - we decided to go ahead and plan an actual wedding and reception, rather than just go to a justice of the peace by ourselves.  Despite my being an “untraditional” bride, I am a fairly traditional person and I always sort of envisioned having a “normal” wedding.  Now I know that there’s nothing “normal” about anything associated with planning a wedding.  (Who knew a cake could cost $600?  It’s like sugar, and eggs, and flour, right?)  And the situation with the dress - OMG.  Come to find out, though, the biggest challenge is not going to be the cost - although it seems utterly ridiculous to spend thousands on something I’ll only wear once, and probably won’t even be that comfortable in.  Still, I get it - it’s a big day and a girl should feel like a princess.  The biggest challenge facing me however is that I had the audacity to wait until July to decide to get married this October.  Because apparently, one needs what seems like a year to order the dress. 

This past Saturday, my sister and I went to several shops to look at dresses and the dismay exhibited by the sales people when I told them the date of the happy day was palpable.  (My sister joked with me later that perhaps they all thought I was pregnant.)  I didn’t have time to explain the whole Supreme Court thing, or the fact that in November the law could be overturned - too much explaining when there’s a wedding to be planned.  But the worst part of the day came when we arrived at David’s Bridal.  First we were told not to touch the dresses.  We could look around, and if we saw something we liked, we would have to sign in - there were lots of women running around with clipboards signing people up for dress touching.  Then we would be assigned a “consultant.”  So, being a rule follower, I complied.  My consultant, “Trish” we’ll call her, came back with my dress - a cream-colored silk charmeuse gown with a kind of Grecian, off-the-shoulder draping thing going on.  It was a nice dress - very modern, very Romy from last season’s Project Runway - you know the type.  I put it on and immediately noticed how long and heavy those things are.  But there were NO mirrors inside the dressing rooms so I had to parade myself outside the dressing room for the whole store to see.  Then, as I’m standing there, feeling awkward and not very Grecian, I see Trish out of the corner of my eye, coming at me with this huge veil, and before I know it, she puts the veil ON MY HEAD.  Ah, NO, I exclaimed, noticing my sister’s look of horror.  “No, we’re not doing that,”  I said.  And she promptly removed the white netting from my head and shrunk away, presumably to find someone else to assault.  Seriously, though - that’s messed up, right?  I don’t know where that veil’s been or on how many other heads that day. 

But it just reinforced this feeling of my having joined some cult where I’m no longer in charge of what I want or the choices I make.  I suspect this whole wedding “industry” makes many people feel this way.  I get that it’s a big deal, and that preparations should be made.   Personally, I love throwing a good party.  But I’ve realized that it’s just as important for me to keep my own sense of identity, and my own sense of style admidst all the advice and must-have advertising that we’re bombarded with during this occasion - and luckily, for me that means not having to buy a dress that requires placing an order six months or more in advance.  So, this weekend I’m hitting the fashion outlets to see what’s there.  Maybe I’ll get a good deal.  Maybe I won’t even buy something in white.  And I can guarantee you - no one’s putting another veil on my head.